I’ll be the first to admit, I am high maintenance as all hell. I use a ridiculous amount of hair product, I get a weekly spray tan, I have over 100 different lip shades and I could solve world hunger in the amount of time it takes me to get ready in a year. But those are the reasons that I am high maintenance, not my standards for the relationships in my life.
Does anyone else feel as though the world equates having high standards for the people you allow into your heart to being high maintenance?
Doesn’t this mindset allow for laziness in the area of life that deserves, and maybe demands, our best — our relationships?
Low Standards Don’t Quality Relationships Bring
I’ve allowed low standards in my relationships. I’ve allowed “friends” to give the bare minimum when I gave my all, to make fun of me and put me down, to leave me out and to all around make me feel anxious and self-conscious.
I’ve allowed significant others to get away with more than I care to admit (like I’m seriously embarrassed at the things but maybe one day I’ll build up the nerve to talk about it on such a public platform). I’ve allowed them to cheat, compare me, degrade me and so on.
And not a single one of those people is in my life today. They didn’t get pushed out when I suddenly decided to have standards for my relationships, they fizzled out. Why? Because they lacked any sort of quality or deeper connection.
Setting Higher Standards
When I was at my lowest, when I felt absolutely alone with nearly no friends and only a budding relationship (with my now fiance – so like… successful, I think so!), that is when I decided that I needed to hold my relationships to higher standards.
Y’all, I’m not talking some formal agreement that Natalie So-And-So is going to spend X amount of hours on our friendship each week with # of texts and one Insta post dedicated to me a month. I’m just talking that I feel valued. That my relationships build me up and support me rather than tear me down. That my S.O. simply doesn’t compare me physically to my friends (yup – that’s one of those embarrassing things)!
I don’t believe that there is a set formula that we can all follow to determine what those standards are for us. And heck, they could be different for each relationship in our life. I think they are just the things that someone can do to make you feel secure in your relationship, whatever that may be.
Higher Standards are Empowering and Challenging all at Once
TBH, I believe that having high standards for our relationships is both empowering and challenging. Because isn’t every challenge empowering in its own way?
It challenges you to take stock of the people you are allowing into your heart. It challenges you to be better about communicating your feelings. It challenges you to make tough decisions when someone isn’t meeting those standards. But it also empowers you to be a stronger, happier person through doing these things.
But most of all, it challenges you to hold yourself to those same standards to be better for the relationships that matter most. It empowers you to be a better family member, friend and significant other.
I truly believe that having high standards for relationships improves the way you value those in your life, creates deeper connections and makes for more valuable interactions. Like I mentioned, I’m a success story! I traded in a zero for my hero (hey boo boo!), I have a wonderful circle of friends and I am happier and more confident than ever.
So, y’all, let the world burn if it’s going to call your standards high maintenance (I have enough hair product to light it on fire). Whether it is deep down or right on the surface, you know what you deserve out of the people in your life. Decide what will make those relationships more valuable to you and how you can feel more secure in them and SET THE DAMN STANDARDS HIGH. Because you are worth it, and they are worth it.